O for "Optimism"

Didn't I just say, "The weather is getting fall-ish"? It was a mistake. It's still hot. At least, this house is hot, especially my room. In winter, this room is the coldest place in the house. How ironic! I've been living in this room for more than 10 years. I could use some sympathy, or I should blame my laziness of not changing my home base to my sister's room, which is right next to mine.

For some reason, my mind has been so optimistic for the last few weeks that I can almost accept any disappointment and misery in my life. But it might have come to an end today. I was told that I'm going to lose my job at high school at the end of this month. Well, I saw it coming. I'm a replacement teacher. The teacher I'm replacing is now feeling better enough to come back to work. Good thing. I didn't like to force teenagers to memorize grammar. But the reality is, my income is going to be reduced to....two thirds? My kids' school job has promised me to increase my working hours, but it's going to be from November at the earliest.

Then the idea starts to nudge me; what if I were alone for all my life without enough income, recognized job, and people around me started to look at me with a you-are-the-unfortunate-one-and-I-am-happier-than-you look on their faces?? People can't stop talking about they are getting married or starting to live with their partners. If only I could be confident about my way of life.

ANYWAY.

I decided to wipe out those stupid thoughts. If things are going wrong, there's no power in me to stop it. Probably, it needs to go that way. All I can do now is to stay positive and find another way to survive. I heard from my dad that there is a job that Japanese teachers teach Japanese in English. That sounds interesting. I might give it a try. I've had a tiny first step to immigration, though it's not so hopeful. About relationship? Don't ask.

The other day, my friend sent me a book about how to be lucky. That sounds quite fishy, and I didn't approve everything that was written in it. But it gave me some insight. According to the author, you should imagine and even say to yourself what you want to do and be every night. You should believe that your wish will surely be achieved. Then, do anything nice for others and yourself. It doesn't mean you should pamper yourself but do something good such as helping others or working harder toward your goal. That will fill you up with "positive energy" and will lead you to success.

.....Sounds more fishy? But it helps me to stay lighthearted. She also said, after you have done your best to solve the problem, just leave it until it's solved. So I'll just let it be. Peace of mind is the most important thing for me now. Because I feel like it adds a little radiance to me ;)